Dear Holy Cross



                                             DEAR  HOLY  CROSS
                                                COMEDY  

            Up in the Sky, a little girl sitting near the window of a Boeing 747 aircraft, saw numerous ants on a sandy ground. The ants appeared very unusual for her. She had seen black ants but she has never seen a combination of black and white ants. Down on the Earth, the students of Holy Cross school wearing their uniform of white and dark grey were playing their games on their lovely playground in their lovable school. The school was indeed very lovable – for which school will not be lovable if one does not get beaten up with canes and rulers often.
         In fact, the school authorities treated all of the boys like gentlemen. But these gentlemen, at times, behaved like monkeys. And the school management had to deal with them strictly. The faculty staff gave complete freedom to each and every boy to do their own things and at the same time instilled a deep subsconcious fear for the school management into each and every boy of the school.  The flexible administration system of the school made every boy to feel good in the school. The students did not trouble the faculty much and the faculty too did not bother the students with unnecessary serious threats. While this is the brief profile of the good school, let us see what’s happening on the ground floor of the school’s main building.
         A small boy peeped into the vice principal’s room. The vice principal who was breaking his head with a bulk file, seriously looked at him and nodded his head. His memory immediately reminded him that this fellow is in the habit of absenteeism.
         The small boy entered inside.
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         What!? the vice principal “roared”.
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         “Leave letter sir” the small boy muttered.
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         “Quarterly exam ………Malaria”.  “Half-yearly exam ……..typhoid”
         Now what !? the vice principal snapped.
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         “Jaundice sir” the small boy fearfully whispered. And before the vice principal could say anything, the boy handed him the medical certificate.
         The vice principal looked “helplessly” at the boy.  The boy was not looking at him. Instead he was looking at a poster frame hung on the wall at the back of vice principal’s chair.  Inside the large poster frame, a big chimpanzee was wearing spectacles and was sitting in a chair with books in front of it. Underneath the poster were written the words “ The boss is always O.K.”  The vice principal after signing the leave letter looked at the boy busily observing something, turned back and saw the poster frame and then looked at the boy again.
         The boy saw the spectacled chimpanzee on the poster and then back at the spectacled vice principal.
         “Why do you keep looking at me like that for” roared the vice principal again, somewhat irritated.
         “The small” stood silently  with its arms folded across its chest – looking elsewhere.
         “ Get Out “ shouted the vice principal at the top of his voice.
         The small boy fearfully got out. After getting out from the “lion’s den” the small boy seemed to be searching for someone.
         Where can I see the Chemistry teacher? he enquired with a group of three higher secondary students.
         “Oh Bond!” he will be in the staff room” replied a tall boy.
         The Chemistry teacher was nicknamed as “Bond” by the higher secondary students. They named him so because he was often talking about anamic bonds, catamic bonds and everything regarding bonds.
         The small boy went inside the staff room in search of the chemistry teacher and inquired seriously with the physics teacher.
         “Where can I see Mr Bond, sir?”
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“Bond” the Physics teacher looked momentarily nonplussed. “There is nobody here by the name ‘Bond’. Whom do you want to see? he asked the small.       
“ The sir who teaches Chemistry for the higher secondary students, sir” replied the confused boy.
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“ Him!? You call him Bond,” the Physics teacher replied slightly puzzled as to how the teacher happenend to acquire the nickname.
“ His name is not Bond” he seriously informed the small. “His real name is Mr Mohan Das”.
         The small boy memorized the ‘new’ unpopular lengthy name. The Physics teacher  appeared to be in irritation with the higher secondary students.
         The teacher then kept his hand over the shoulder of the innocent boy and pointed the chemistry teacher to him. When Mr Bond looked at the new small visitor he was bit surprised. He seldom had appointments with the littles.
         “What is the symbol for water, sir?” the small boy seriously enquired.
         “You don’t know even this. It is H2O” said Mr Bond proudly.
         The small boy made the entry in the “young world” column of a newspaper daily.
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         While all this is going on in the staffroom, let us travel bit far away to the northern side of the school’s main building where classrooms are deadly and minutes roll like months on end.
         On the first floor, the Geography teacher was sitting in tenth standard ‘B’ section. He was a man well known all over the school for his quick short temper. Though short tempered, he was a very nice man. He used his short temper to discipline the students. He spoke a peculiar English language with a strange accent. In his speech, he often combined English and Tamil. His language was very funny.
         Today, he appeared to be in a bad mood. With a long face, he started to check the assignments, he had given to the students on the previous day. A fat plump boy with gulab jamoon cheeks was seen very uncomfortable. Last night, he managed to write only three-fourths of the assignment after secretly playing video games in his house.
         Perspiring, Trembling, Nervous, the fatty sat fearfully preparing himself mentally for the dire consequences. (He was sitting on the first row in the third divide to the left hand side of the teacher. There were only about 10 to 12 students whose assignments the teacher must check before his turn comes). The return of every boy to the seat increased his fear further.
         One naughty boy nicknamed as ‘Sondi’ who always had the privilege of irritating the geography teacher to the fullest, added fuel to the plump boy’s fears by making gestures with other boys which sent the geography teacher off his rocker. The instructor now looked like a ‘ghastly ghost’ to the fatty gulab jamon.  Fear maximus increased the sweat of  his body. His spectacle slipped from his slippery nose and rested on the tip of his nose. His head was unusually tilted down and his eyes were looking directly at the Geography instructor, instead of through the lens of the spectacle.
         The downward tilting of his head, the upward seeing of his eyes, the spectacle at the tip of his nose and the direct stare was indeed very strange.
         The hypertensioned teacher who happened to quickly glance around the classroom saw the weird sight of the boy, then looked at the notebook on his table and thenafter back again at the boy.
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         “Don’t look like that raa, nonsense!?
         ……………….
         He snatched a notebook in front of him and slammed it right over the face of the bewildered boy. The classroom maintained ‘pindrop silence’.
         It is hard to say what made the teacher to do that. But he seemed to have been relieved of something after the throwing of the notebook. He might have become irritated or perhaps got afraid of the strange sight all of a sudden.
         The gulab jamoon boy fearfully picked up the thrown notebook and gave it back to the fierce looking teacher. The disturbed teacher then got back to the work of checking the assignments. For the gulab jamoon  boy, the day appeared like a doomsday.
“He is going to tear me to pieces” thought he.  He started wondering how he could have recklessly played the video games last night while all other students have sincerely finished their assignments. He offered his prayers to all of the gods, that if they save him today, he will never enter into such a trouble again.
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Only two boys were ahead of him. Then the next turn would be his. He cursed the left handed ‘Sondi’ for having got on the teacher’s nerves. Nearby, his deskmate having completely finished his assignment was found “very relaxed”.
         The second boy ahead of him returned to his chair.
         The first boy ahead of him returned to his chair.
         It was his turn!!
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         Perspiring, Trembling, Nervous he went completely bonkers…..He took the notebook of his deskmate and went shivering towards the fierce looking teacher.  His deskmate was thunderstruck!! The next would be his turn. ……Meanwhile, this illegal borrowment of the notebook from the deskmate by the boy was broadcast at a very low frequency through out the classroom…. The teacher started to check the assignment very carefully. After the checking was over, he looked at the boy somewhat puzzled.
          “You have finished your assignment, ..no.. then why you were looking at me like that?” he seriously inquired.
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The whole class looked at the fatty ‘gloomily’.
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“Sir.” A peon called from outside the classroom. The teacher looked at the peon. 
“The vice principal wants to see you sir” the peon informed.
         The teacher asked everyone to remain silent while he was away and hurriedly left the classroom. Five minutes remained for the ringing of the bell. Will he return back and check the assignments as usual ? He might. What if the bell rings a little bit late? – the suspense enveloped the entire classroom.
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The gulab jamoom kept blinking.
His deskmate kept staring.
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The bell rang!
What a relief!!
         All of the class students applauded the gulab jamoon for the ‘very effective’ handling of the situation. The gulab jamon thanked the Gods! His deskmate was yet to recover from the shock.
         “Time to go to the lab” announced the class leader gleefully.
         Within few minutes, all of the students stationed themselves in the lab, in their respective places. To their surprise, Mr Bond , the chemistry teacher entered the lab.
         “Your Physics teacher will be here in few minutes, Now give your attendance” Mr Bond said.
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Karthikeyan
Present sir
Sabari Nathan
Present sir
Syed Tanveer Agha
Present sir
Sunil Austin Perriera
Present sir
Manivel kumaran
Absent sir
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“Useless fellow” Mr Bond muttered
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Gokula Anand
Absent sir
“Another useless fellow” Mr Bond muttered.
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         Mr Bond after making entries in the attendance register, counted the number of boys and made sure that nobody has ‘escaped’ from the lab.  Though every instructor took utmost care not to let the boys escape from them, they could not prevent few naughties from doing so. Like magicians, they would suddenly vanish from their sight and just in case they were found missing and the instructor became suspicious, they would appear from somewhere. How they could perform such miracles remained an unsolved mystery for all of the teachers of the school.
         “All of you quietly do tritration till the physics teacher comes.” The Chemistry teacher said and left the boys alone.
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         When all the students were doing serious work with their glass pipettes and burettes, the film “Gladiator” entered the head of the naughty ‘Sondi’. Energetically, he invited his best friend “Aandi” for a fight. The very co operative friend of him, accepted his invitation with a big hearty smile. One took the small glass pipette and another took the lengthy glass burette.
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         Just as the two gladiators were fighting in the center of the lab with “enthusiastic” spectators all around, the Physics teacher suddenly entered the lab and saw the whole thing! Spoilsport!! All of the students became dumbfonded and the two naughties were absolutely stunned.  The Physics teacher shook his head in utter disbelief. It took a long time for everyone to digest the situation – not to mention the two gladiators.
         “This lab is my temple” said the pious teacher “and these apparatuses are my Gods”
         The  students were ‘awestruck’ at his words. They never thought that Gods were present in the lab all these days. It seemed that the pious teacher had too much of the incident and left the lab with much regret. Being a principled religious man, he had to do constant meditation in his house to digest the untoward incidents at the school.  After sometime the students felt sorry for the incident too. They all sat silently hoping that if the teacher comes back again, he would feel good with their obedient silence.
         The Physics teacher did come back. To his surprise, all of the boys were sitting quietly with genuine sorry faces. He informed everyone that the school principal has asked all of the students to assemble at the Hall for an unscheduled school meeting. In short time, all of the school boys assembled in neat lines inside the Hall. Suspense gripped all of those present inside and everyone began to murmur something or the other.  The Principal walked over the stage and announced everyone that due to sudden political disturbances and serious riots, the school will remain closed for the next five days. All of the students inside the Hall exploded with joy.
         Up in the hill, a small boy sitting on a rock, in his diagonal sight, saw numerous ants come out of an opening and into the sandy ground. The ants appeared very unusual for him. He had seen black ants but he has never seen a combination of black and white ants. Down on the Earth, the students of Holy Cross school were coming out of the Hall and into the sandy ground.

Written by Gokula Anand                                         Year 2001

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