DEAR
HOLY CROSS
COMEDY
Up in the Sky, a little girl
sitting near the window of a Boeing 747 aircraft, saw numerous ants on a sandy ground. The ants appeared very
unusual for her. She had seen black ants but she has never seen a combination
of black and white ants. Down on the Earth, the students of Holy Cross school
wearing their uniform of white and dark grey were playing their games on their
lovely playground in their lovable school. The school was indeed very lovable –
for which school will not be lovable if one does not get beaten up with canes
and rulers often.
In fact, the
school authorities treated all of the boys like gentlemen. But these gentlemen,
at times, behaved like monkeys. And the school management had to deal with them
strictly. The faculty staff gave complete freedom to each and every boy to do
their own things and at the same time instilled a deep subsconcious fear for
the school management into each and every boy of the school. The flexible administration system of the
school made every boy to feel good in the school. The students did not trouble
the faculty much and the faculty too did not bother the students with
unnecessary serious threats. While this is the brief profile of the good
school, let us see what’s happening on the ground floor of the school’s main
building.
A small boy
peeped into the vice principal’s room. The vice principal who was breaking his
head with a bulk file, seriously looked at him and nodded his head. His memory
immediately reminded him that this fellow is in the habit of absenteeism.
The small boy
entered inside.
………………………
What!? the
vice principal “roared”.
………………………
“Leave letter
sir” the small boy muttered.
………………………
“Quarterly
exam ………Malaria”. “Half-yearly exam
……..typhoid”
Now what !?
the vice principal snapped.
………………………
“Jaundice
sir” the small boy fearfully whispered. And before the vice principal could say
anything, the boy handed him the medical certificate.
The vice
principal looked “helplessly” at the boy.
The boy was not looking at him. Instead he was looking at a poster frame
hung on the wall at the back of vice principal’s chair. Inside the large poster frame, a big
chimpanzee was wearing spectacles and was sitting in a chair with books in
front of it. Underneath the poster were written the words “ The boss is always
O.K.” The vice principal after signing
the leave letter looked at the boy busily observing something, turned back and
saw the poster frame and then looked at the boy again.
The boy saw
the spectacled chimpanzee on the poster and then back at the spectacled vice
principal.
“Why do you
keep looking at me like that for” roared the vice principal again, somewhat
irritated.
“The small”
stood silently with its arms folded
across its chest – looking elsewhere.
“ Get Out “
shouted the vice principal at the top of his voice.
The small boy
fearfully got out. After getting out from the “lion’s den” the small boy seemed
to be searching for someone.
Where can I
see the Chemistry teacher? he enquired with a group of three higher secondary
students.
“Oh Bond!” he
will be in the staff room” replied a tall boy.
The Chemistry
teacher was nicknamed as “Bond” by the higher secondary students. They named
him so because he was often talking about anamic bonds, catamic bonds and
everything regarding bonds.
The small boy
went inside the staff room in search of the chemistry teacher and inquired
seriously with the physics teacher.
“Where can I
see Mr Bond, sir?”
……………………..
“Bond” the Physics teacher looked momentarily nonplussed.
“There is nobody here by the name ‘Bond’. Whom do you want to see? he asked the
small.
“ The sir who teaches Chemistry for the higher secondary
students, sir” replied the confused boy.
………………………..
“ Him!? You call him Bond,” the Physics teacher replied
slightly puzzled as to how the teacher happenend to acquire the nickname.
“ His name is not Bond” he seriously informed the small.
“His real name is Mr Mohan Das”.
The small boy
memorized the ‘new’ unpopular lengthy name. The Physics teacher appeared to be in irritation with the higher
secondary students.
The teacher
then kept his hand over the shoulder of the innocent boy and pointed the
chemistry teacher to him. When Mr Bond looked at the new small visitor he was
bit surprised. He seldom had appointments with the littles.
“What is the
symbol for water, sir?” the small boy seriously enquired.
“You don’t
know even this. It is H2O” said Mr Bond proudly.
The small boy
made the entry in the “young world” column of a newspaper daily.
……………………….
……………………….
While all
this is going on in the staffroom, let us travel bit far away to the northern
side of the school’s main building where classrooms are deadly and minutes roll
like months on end.
On the first
floor, the Geography teacher was sitting in tenth standard ‘B’ section. He was
a man well known all over the school for his quick short temper. Though short
tempered, he was a very nice man. He used his short temper to discipline the
students. He spoke a peculiar English language with a strange accent. In his
speech, he often combined English and Tamil. His language was very funny.
Today, he
appeared to be in a bad mood. With a long face, he started to check the
assignments, he had given to the students on the previous day. A fat plump boy
with gulab jamoon cheeks was seen very uncomfortable. Last night, he managed to
write only three-fourths of the assignment after secretly playing video games
in his house.
Perspiring,
Trembling, Nervous, the fatty sat fearfully preparing himself mentally for the
dire consequences. (He was sitting on the first row in the third divide to the
left hand side of the teacher. There were only about 10 to 12 students whose
assignments the teacher must check before his turn comes). The return of every
boy to the seat increased his fear further.
One naughty
boy nicknamed as ‘Sondi’ who always had the privilege of irritating the
geography teacher to the fullest, added fuel to the plump boy’s fears by making
gestures with other boys which sent the geography teacher off his rocker. The
instructor now looked like a ‘ghastly ghost’ to the fatty gulab jamon. Fear maximus increased the sweat of his body. His spectacle slipped from his
slippery nose and rested on the tip of his nose. His head was unusually tilted
down and his eyes were looking directly at the Geography instructor, instead of
through the lens of the spectacle.
The downward
tilting of his head, the upward seeing of his eyes, the spectacle at the tip of
his nose and the direct stare was indeed very strange.
The
hypertensioned teacher who happened to quickly glance around the classroom saw
the weird sight of the boy, then looked at the notebook on his table and
thenafter back again at the boy.
…………………………….
“Don’t look like that raa, nonsense!?
……………….
He snatched a
notebook in front of him and slammed it right over the face of the bewildered
boy. The classroom maintained ‘pindrop silence’.
It is hard to
say what made the teacher to do that. But he seemed to have been relieved of
something after the throwing of the notebook. He might have become irritated or
perhaps got afraid of the strange sight all of a sudden.
The gulab
jamoon boy fearfully picked up the thrown notebook and gave it back to the
fierce looking teacher. The disturbed teacher then got back to the work of
checking the assignments. For the gulab jamoon
boy, the day appeared like a doomsday.
“He is going to tear me to pieces” thought he. He started wondering how he could have
recklessly played the video games last night while all other students have
sincerely finished their assignments. He offered his prayers to all of the
gods, that if they save him today, he will never enter into such a trouble
again.
………………………….
………………………….
Only two boys were ahead of him. Then the next turn would be
his. He cursed the left handed ‘Sondi’ for having got on the teacher’s nerves.
Nearby, his deskmate having completely finished his assignment was found “very
relaxed”.
The second boy ahead of him returned to
his chair.
The first boy
ahead of him returned to his chair.
It was his
turn!!
…………………………..
Perspiring,
Trembling, Nervous he went completely bonkers…..He took the notebook of his deskmate
and went shivering towards the fierce looking teacher. His deskmate was thunderstruck!! The next
would be his turn. ……Meanwhile, this illegal borrowment of the notebook from
the deskmate by the boy was broadcast at a very low frequency through out the
classroom…. The teacher started to check the assignment very carefully. After
the checking was over, he looked at the boy somewhat puzzled.
“You have
finished your assignment, ..no.. then why you were looking at me like that?” he
seriously inquired.
……………………….
The whole class looked at the fatty ‘gloomily’.
……………………….
“Sir.” A peon called from outside the classroom. The teacher
looked at the peon.
“The vice principal wants to see you sir” the peon informed.
The teacher
asked everyone to remain silent while he was away and hurriedly left the
classroom. Five minutes remained for the ringing of the bell. Will he return
back and check the assignments as usual ? He might. What if the bell rings a
little bit late? – the suspense enveloped the entire classroom.
……………………….
The gulab jamoom kept blinking.
His deskmate kept staring.
……………………….
The bell rang!
What a relief!!
All of the
class students applauded the gulab jamoon for the ‘very effective’ handling of
the situation. The gulab jamon thanked the Gods! His deskmate was yet to
recover from the shock.
“Time to go
to the lab” announced the class leader gleefully.
Within few
minutes, all of the students stationed themselves in the lab, in their
respective places. To their surprise, Mr Bond , the chemistry teacher entered
the lab.
“Your Physics
teacher will be here in few minutes, Now give your attendance” Mr Bond said.
……………………….
……………………..
Karthikeyan
Present sir
Sabari Nathan
Present sir
Syed Tanveer Agha
Present sir
Sunil Austin Perriera
Present sir
Manivel kumaran
Absent sir
………….
“Useless fellow” Mr Bond muttered
…………………
Gokula Anand
Absent sir
“Another useless fellow” Mr Bond muttered.
………………………………….
……………………………….
Mr Bond after
making entries in the attendance register, counted the number of boys and made
sure that nobody has ‘escaped’ from the lab.
Though every instructor took utmost care not to let the boys escape from
them, they could not prevent few naughties from doing so. Like magicians, they
would suddenly vanish from their sight and just in case they were found missing
and the instructor became suspicious, they would appear from somewhere. How
they could perform such miracles remained an unsolved mystery for all of the
teachers of the school.
“All of you
quietly do tritration till the physics teacher comes.” The Chemistry teacher
said and left the boys alone.
……………………………….
……………………………….
When all the
students were doing serious work with their glass pipettes and burettes, the
film “Gladiator” entered the head of the naughty ‘Sondi’. Energetically, he
invited his best friend “Aandi” for a fight. The very co operative friend of
him, accepted his invitation with a big hearty smile. One took the small glass
pipette and another took the lengthy glass burette.
………………………………
……………………………
Just as the
two gladiators were fighting in the center of the lab with “enthusiastic”
spectators all around, the Physics teacher suddenly entered the lab and saw the
whole thing! Spoilsport!! All of the students became dumbfonded and the two
naughties were absolutely stunned. The
Physics teacher shook his head in utter disbelief. It took a long time for
everyone to digest the situation – not to mention the two gladiators.
“This lab is
my temple” said the pious teacher “and these apparatuses are my Gods”
The students were ‘awestruck’ at his words. They
never thought that Gods were present in the lab all these days. It seemed that
the pious teacher had too much of the incident and left the lab with much regret.
Being a principled religious man, he had to do constant meditation in his house
to digest the untoward incidents at the school.
After sometime the students felt sorry for the incident too. They all
sat silently hoping that if the teacher comes back again, he would feel good
with their obedient silence.
The Physics
teacher did come back. To his surprise, all of the boys were sitting quietly
with genuine sorry faces. He informed everyone that the school principal has
asked all of the students to assemble at the Hall for an unscheduled school
meeting. In short time, all of the school boys assembled in neat lines inside
the Hall. Suspense gripped all of those present inside and everyone began to
murmur something or the other. The
Principal walked over the stage and announced everyone that due to sudden
political disturbances and serious riots, the school will remain closed for the
next five days. All of the students inside the Hall exploded with joy.
Up in the
hill, a small boy sitting on a rock, in his diagonal sight, saw numerous ants
come out of an opening and into the sandy ground. The ants appeared very
unusual for him. He had seen black ants but he has never seen a combination of
black and white ants. Down on the Earth, the students of Holy Cross school were
coming out of the Hall and into the sandy ground.
Written by Gokula Anand Year 2001
No comments:
Post a Comment